Depressed and want Law of Attraction to help me get my ex back

(Montgomery, Alabama)

Question: I so appreciate your thorough and thoughtful responses to my questions. Although sometimes painful to hear, I am sure there is much truth to what you say. I guess I would love to hear someone say, think about your ex husband as though he is still with you and then...presto...he will be. I have visualized a much better, stronger and healthier relationship with him, I have imagined him coming to me and saying that the divorce was a mistake, I have approached it from every angle that I can think of.  If the truth be known, however, I am painfully learning it doesn't work that way, and the odds of him coming back are stacked against me.  If I could at least see a glimpse of something better in the future I would not be so depressed but I don't see anything else.  

I am sorry to be such a "downer" and so negative but honestly, it is the state that I am in right now. When you feel hopeless about any future, all of the promises of the Law of Attraction tend to fly right out the window.


Real Life LoA Answer: I understand where you are coming from, I hear you! And, on that note, I am going to tell you a bit about my own story of longing and desire, and desperately wishing that reality was other than what it has been lately... This is not to try to compare tales of woe, or to say that what either of us is going through is any better or worse than the other, but to illustrate that there is only one way to "get there" for any of us who desire something other than the reality we have now.

I have been trying for over five years to have my own children. The challenge is my "advanced maternal age" (or so the doctors say.) I have been through it all; trying the old-fashioned way, medical assistance, fertility drug therapy, IUI, multiple rounds of IVF, ICSI, PICSI, PGD, acupuncture, massage, chinese medicine, special diets, supplements, exercise, bedrest, trying the old-fashioned way some more, considering adoption, donor eggs, donor embryo, being childless, and round, and round, and round it goes. All the while I am a working professional in the field of Law of Attraction, and I haven't been able to "make" this work for myself yet. Frustration is an understatement.

I know how bad it is, to want something that you have absolutely no control over, and to do everything you possibly can to get it without success.

I have been depressed, ashamed, embarrassed, excited, heartbroken, envious, felt silly, defensive, offensive, despondent, indignant, pissed, angry, optimistic, falsely optimistic, pessimistic, hopeless, hopeful, worried, scared, lost, fearful, lonely, sad, bored, useless, broken, occasionally happy, rarely neutral, and often stuck (and every emotion in between!)

Also, I find myself "holding off" on doing other things (like trips, or activities I used to enjoy) "just in case" I am to become pregnant, and, even worse yet, honestly feeling like nothing else I even could do is all that appealing or interesting in comparison to my dream of having children. I have done many, many exciting things in my life thus far, have traveled the world, and have made nearly every dream I've had come true simply by sticking with it, but not this one. Not this one.

Everyone always says that when you give up, or stop trying, or adopt, or don't care anymore, then it will happen. But it is impossible to authentically give up, stop trying, or not care when you DO! So that just leaves me in limbo -- stuck in between wanting what I have not yet been able to achieve, and not being interested in too much else. So I get it.

I too want to simply visualize myself having what I want; pregnant with my own babies, affirm the reality of it, think happy thoughts and then "poof!" there they will be. But we all know how that goes. The promises in the movie "The Secret" aren't quite as simple as they make 'em sound.

As it turns out, the answer is the same for all of us, and believe me when I say I KNOW it's hard to do! But here it is, here is what we can (and must) do for ourselves to craft the lives we desire:

• Give thanks and be appreciative for what you DO have. There are people, things, and situations in your life NOW that you enjoy and love -- focus on those. Only what you appreciate can grow and expand. Spend your time thinking about what you are experiencing that you want MORE of, and divert your attention off of what is not to your liking.



• Nurture yourself -- take excellent CARE of yourself: Get enough sleep, eat properly, exercise, have a massage, meditate. There is nothing more attractive (in the Law of Attraction sense) than showing your own appreciation for yourself by honoring your body and spirit.



• Build your emotional grid: Decide how you DO want to feel about yourself and the situation, and then imagine as many examples from other areas/times of your life or experience in which you can remember feeling that way. (See "The Grid" page, and the Real Life Law of Attraction "build your grid" interactive tool.)



• Fall in love with yourself! Make a daily practice of listing your OWN positive aspects. If you don't like something about yourself, change it, pursue something creative, reaffirm for yourself WHY you are already an excellent person to be a (wife, mother, partner, whatever you want to be.) YOU are magnificent, YOU are phenomenal, YOU are precious, special, and uniquely perfect to be the person who has what you want -- it is up to YOU to realize that about yourself.



• Clean up your life energetically, physically, and in your personal environment: Clean up clutter in your home, fix things that are broken, complete (or officially retire) unfinished projects, release resentments and old hurts so you aren't carrying around toxins anymore, learn to say yes to what uplifts you and NO to what drains you. (See this Q & A page for the 30-day Law of Attraction challenge steps to an energetic overhaul.)



• Have as much fun as you possibly can - just go out and start doing it: Create a bucket list, find a way to follow some dreams, follow your own highest excitement; do whatever feels like it will have the most intrigue in any given moment, get interested in something in your life, focus on the feelings you want to be having and experiencing, do things you like to do - just because. YOU deserve it!

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